March 14th, the day the country shut down. It was the start of quarantine, the start of my anxiety taking over, and the start of another weight gain. From the time quarantine started to now, I’ve gained about 20 pounds, and ruined a lot of good progress I made. I stopped working out. I stopped eating good foods. I stopped caring.
Towards the end of August, I reached my highest ever weight and it was terrifying. But at the same time, I was still letting my anxiety and depression control my mind, by allowing it to tell myself that my weight doesn’t matter, because I don’t matter. It was like I had no love for myself or for my body, because my mind was always telling me that no one will ever like you and you will never like yourself either.
Throughout the quarantine, I’ve learned that I do not love myself. If I did, I wouldn’t eat the way I do. I wouldn’t come up with excuses. I wouldn’t be this tough on myself. I have always felt unloveable. From having people in my family not care, to have little to no friends, it’s not hard to feel that way. But even though I’ve treated her like crap, my body has always been there for me. And now it’s time for me to be there for her.
So finally, I decided to take control and for real, start fresh. I created an entire new WW (Weight Watchers) account, I made small, attainable goals and I am getting to work. For those who don’t know, WW has three plans you can follow, all with different point values. I started my restart on WW Green, but I quickly learned that I having a lot of points, meant that I ate a lot of food. So this week, I have decided to switch it up and start WW Purple, which gives me the least amount of points, but also the most amount of zero point foods!
I am so excited to join Purple and I am excited for it to help me get better control of my relationship with food. Along with my anxiety and depression, I also suffer from Binge Eating Disorder. It has been tough to figure out how to battle this disorder along with my other mental health disorders, but slowly, I am getting there. My main goal for making the switch to Purple, is so I can change my binge and boredom eating habits from candy and ice cream to fruits and veggies. I know that I do not eat enough healthy foods, and I know that with Purple, I will be making that more of a priority.
Along with my new WW Restart, I am also changing up other habits. I have started drinking at least 64oz of water a day (which is more like 128 a day), wearing more clothes with buttons over my usual quarantine sweats and getting back into working out. When quarantine hit, I pretty much stopped doing everything. Now, I am slowly getting back into walking, with the goal of soon getting back into my weight training. I am so badly out of shape, that it has been a challenge to get myself to workout. But my goal is to no longer break promises to myself, and that starts with saying goodbye to lame excuses.
I want to give my body the love it has always given me. I want to treat her with respect and treat her to the things she needs. Recently, I was watching Worst Cooks on Foodnetwork, and the winner named her stomach and I have been thinking of doing that too. Maybe by giving my body a name (or even just my stomach), I will treat her like she deserves. And maybe once I do that, my mind will treat me like I deserve. And maybe, just maybe, I will start feeling like I am worthy of the love I know I deserve.
If you want to follow along on my WW lifestyle journey, you can follow my instagram, thepixietracker!
Thanks again for reading and I hope you know that if you’re going through something similar, you are NOT ALONE. I am excited to share my WW & Fitness Journey here as well as sharing some tips and tricks I am using to give myself the life I deserve.
Until next time!